


Hide it With a Smile

by Alpacrate



Series: Obsessions [1]
Category: Final Fantasy XIII, Final Fantasy XIII Series, Final Fantasy XIII-2, Lightning Returns: Final Fantasy XIII
Genre: Angst, Bathroom Sex, Cheating, Desperation, Emotional Manipulation, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Infidelity, Light Dom/sub, Light Masochism, Post-Canon, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, fear of getting caught, in a fucked up kind of way
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-28
Updated: 2020-06-28
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:28:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24956083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alpacrate/pseuds/Alpacrate
Summary: Overwhelmed by emotions she refuses to let herself think about, Serah hides in the bathroom at her wedding reception, hoping to calm herself down before someone notices her falling apart. But Vanille has always been perceptive, and she won't let Serah lie, at least not to herself.
Relationships: Serah Farron/Oerba Dia Vanille, Serah Farron/Snow Villiers
Series: Obsessions [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1913287
Comments: 5
Kudos: 19





	Hide it With a Smile

**Author's Note:**

> When I was playing through xiii-2, I noticed a few hints of issues in Serah and Snow's relationship that were never resolved, and I figure 500 years of separation would only make it worse. More or less, this fic is an exploration of Serah's selfishness and abandonment issues, along with kind of emotional problems the games never let her have.

Snow’s arm felt heavy wrapped around Serah’s shoulders, the scratchy material of his rented tuxedo starting to chafe at the back of her neck. He had his glass held high, whooping and toasting another round to the happiest day of their lives. Serah laughed up at him and sipped her own drink without complaint, beaming out at the party around them, the perfect picture of a happy bride. She was gorgeous in her wedding dress, she knew she was. She’d spent hours getting her makeup right, subtle but immaculate. Lebreau had helped her style her hair too, keeping her signature side ponytail but weaving small braids through it. She looked perfect. It was all perfect. 

So perfect that she’d managed to ignore the growing pit in her stomach all day. 

“Hey, don’t go wandering off yet, I’ve got one more toast!” Snow’s voice broke through her thoughts as he thrust _another_ glass of beer towards the ceiling. “For the day I waited five hundred years for!” He threw back the drink to the raucous cheers of the rest of NORA. As if he hadn’t shouted nearly the exact same thing three times already. The beachside tavern they’d rented out for the reception wasn’t anything like Lebreau’s bar, but they seemed to have decided to treat it like it was. 

She shook her head at the display and turned her gaze out through the window towards the beach, letting the pounding music fill her head to drown out her thoughts. Fang and Vanille were sitting by the water, cheering Sazh and Dajh on as they made some sort of game out of dashing to the edge of the ocean as the waves pulled back, then turning and trying to outrun the surf. Her smile softened, turning into something a bit more genuine as she watched the four of them have fun. Here in the new world, they’d all finally found their forever. 

“Hey babe,” Snow said, nudging her gently to bring her back to him. He was beaming down at her, his voice softer now, just for her. He looked so much like the dumb greasy punk from Bodhum that she’d first fallen in love with that a matching grin sprung to her face without any thought. 

“This is it, huh?” he continued. “We finally did it. Heh, couldn’t even get our shit together in New Bodhum long enough to pull this off.” He had turned his head to look wistfully out at the rest of the party, so he didn’t see the way Serah’s expression tensed at that. In New Bodhum, they hadn’t gotten married because Snow left after eight months to search for Lightning. He left before he even got to see Serah teach her first class. But he was still talking, and she donned the smile again before he turned back to her. 

“But here? This is all I’ve ever wanted. You’re the girl of my dreams, Serah Villiers, and I’d spend another thousand years locked in crystal if it meant one more day like this.” Bile rose in Serah’s throat at Snow’s words. Serah Villiers. Another thousand years. The world very suddenly felt as if it was closing in around her, and it was all she could do to give Snow her best smile before she stumbled away from him. 

“Oh Etro, Snow, you’re the sweetest and I know this is awful timing but I think something in the dinner disagreed with me. I’m just going to um-” The words tumbled out all at once, and she ignored the concerned look on her fia- _husband’s_ face as she pointed towards the bathroom. Whatever. It didn’t matter. He would never call her out on the lie. And true to form, he just sat and watched her with a look that reminded her of a confused puppy as she walked away and slammed the lavatory door shut behind her. 

He was so _stupid_ ! She stumbled over to the sink, grabbing the cold steel to steady herself and glowering into the mirror. Finally letting the mask fall, her breath grew ragged and she grit her teeth. How could he say something like that? The fight they’d had before he left nearly went nuclear, and then he had the _audacity_ to leave her with nothing but a fucking note the next morning! Now, he didn’t even remember it. Five hundred years and it was nothing to him anymore. 

Staring at herself in the mirror she realized she was tearing up and, Etro, she couldn’t ruin her makeup right now. She wouldn’t be able to handle falling apart right now when the only thing keeping her together was forcing herself to keep up appearances. She tilted her head back and fanned her hands at her eyes, squinting into the bathroom’s fluorescent lights as she tried to collect herself, but it was as if she’d opened a floodgate. 

She hadn’t let herself think about that fight for a reason, and now all the frustration was welling back up and — and Etro, he should have known that comment would upset her! Of course, she knew damn well by now that the only thing he remembered about her was the way she made him feel. She should have expected this. He’d had to ask Lightning what her _favorite_ _color_ was to plan the bouquet, and just about anyone with half a brain could figure that out by looking at her!

“Ugh!” She snapped her eyes shut and grit her teeth as she felt the first tear slip out. The frustration was quickly being overpowered by the hurt, and she could feel herself losing control. He just… he didn’t even look at her like she was a person anymore. All she was to him was this beautiful untarnished picture in his head. He held her like she would break and die again if he so much as hugged her too tight. He’d shoved her up on this stupid pedestal, and now she didn’t want anything more than to send it all crashing down around him. 

The tears were flowing faster now and it made her feel like such an idiot, barely containing hiccuping sobs in the middle of a tavern bathroom on her wedding night. She just wanted things to be simple again. She wanted to be eighteen and stupid and in love and have everything else in the world fade out around her when she looked at Snow. Yet, now it seemed like all she could see was her own reflection in his eyes, still encased in crystal. 

Just as she felt the last of her resolve crumble, she heard the bathroom door creak open, quickly followed by a surprised “Oh- Serah!” 

Serah gasped, spinning around to see Vanille standing in the doorway. She bit her lip and tried to blink the tears away as the other girl stared at her like a deer in the headlights. Any attempt to get her emotions in check was fruitless, and her panic only deepened as she flicked her gaze over Vanille’s shoulder to the party behind her. Anyone who glanced over would’ve been able to see what a mess she was. 

By some grace, Vanille seemed to snap out of it quickly and closed the door behind her, stepping further into the bathroom and biting her lip. 

“Vanille- I… P-Please go! Please don’t tell anyone about this. I’m sorry, I…” But the words petered out as she saw the pity wash over Vanille’s expression. She was looking at Serah like a baby bird fallen from the nest, like something to scoop up in her arms and care for. Serah swallowed heavily and felt her nails dig into her palms, because that look brought a feeling to her chest that she couldn’t convince herself she hated. 

“Serah,” Vanille spoke softly, and took a few tentative steps forward, only making Serah feel all the more like an injured animal. Her breath had started to come faster, but she didn’t move away. Before she could find it in herself to speak again, Vanille’s palm was touching her cheek and she was being pulled into an embrace. 

Serah felt her bottom lip tremble as she latched onto Vanille, clutching her like she was the only thing keeping her from falling apart, even though barely thirty seconds ago she’d wanted nothing more than for her to leave. As she buried her face in the other girl’s hair, she thought of the way Lightning would hold her like this when they were younger, and a new wave of sobs forced their way from her chest. 

Vanille’s fingers found the shorter hair at the base of Serah’s neck, slowly combing through it and shushing her as she cried. It was gentle and warm and the attention made Serah feel like she was the center of the world. It was so easy to let the feeling overwhelm her, and the tension that she’d held tightly packed unwound all at once as she cried in Vanille’s arms. 

Vanille held her like that until the tears petered out and Serah gently pulled herself away to stare at the wall. The hot embarrassment of getting caught like that was quickly returning, and it only made it worse that she’d given in so easily. She wasn’t a teenager anymore; she should have had more control over her emotions than that. 

“Serah?” Vanille repeated, her voice quiet but steady. Her fingers trailed softly down Serah’s arm, and Serah tried to ignore the goosebumps they left behind them. “Please tell me what’s wrong. I want to help you.” 

Serah exhaled hard at the words, jerking back slightly from the other woman and wrapping her arms around herself defensively. She felt so stupid practically cowering here when Vanille had been holding her just a minute before, but the gaze that felt so gentle before had turned to a spotlight seeking out her every flaw. 

“It’s nothing Vanille, just wedding day jitters, y’know?” Serah said quickly, trying not to stumble over the words. She offered a smile that managed to look almost genuine, but from the way Vanille’s brows tightened, she knew she didn’t buy it. 

“It’s about Snow, isn’t it?” Serah flinched, which was about as much answer as Vanille needed. “Oh, Serah.” There was pity in her voice again, but this time Serah found herself shrinking from it. 

“Look. I’m sorry you saw me like this, alright, but I asked you to go before and you didn’t, and I really don’t feel like being psychoanalyzed right now. So, please just… leave.” Bitterness had slipped into Serah’s tone, and before she knew it she was spitting out the words as she glared at Vanille. It was only when her back hit the cold tile of the far wall that she realized she’d been backing away as she spoke. But Vanille was stubborn and _apparently_ couldn’t take a hint. She made up the distance between them with a couple of steps closer to Serah. She shrunk back as Vanille tried to touch her arm, and watched the frown on the other woman’s face deepen. 

“Serah, you’re shutting me out. I know… I know you want to bury whatever you’re feeling now and walk back out there, but I’ve seen you hurting for months now and I just can’t sit and watch it happen any longer!” Vanille’s tone wavered at the end of her little speech, and Serah was temporarily stunned out of her emotional retreat. 

“Months…?” she asked softly. Vanille nodded. 

“I don’t think anyone else has noticed, but Serah, I was your one of your _bridesmaids_ , and every time I brought up the wedding when you weren’t expecting it, you looked as if I’d clubbed you over the head.” Serah winced at that. Had she really been so obvious? “Please, Serah, talk to me.” Vanille finished by grabbing Serah’s hand in her own, clutching it tightly to her chest. 

Serah was trapped. Vanille had her pinned to the back wall, and despite the negligible height difference, she didn’t fancy her odds in throwing the girl off her physically. She slowly worked her jaw, her chest heating up with anger and something else she couldn’t quite identify. 

“Fine. If you’ve decided it’s your business, I guess you’re not giving me much of a choice.” The words came out biting, but Vanille’s expression didn’t waver.

“My problem is that I’m selfish,” Serah spat. “I’m selfish, and I got my happy ending, and it’s not enough. Lightning is so emotional now that she can’t be in the same room with me without looking like she’s about to cry, so she shuts me out and ignores me. Noel can’t even bother to go out for coffee because he’s so fucking happy to have Yuel back. And- and I might as well be a damn porcelain doll to the man who’s in love with me!” She paused for just a moment to breathe, taking a bit of hateful joy in the way Vanille had bit her lip at the words. “I got what I wanted but none of it is right! Everyone I cared about left me behind five hundred years ago, and now all that’s left is a shell of the relationships I used to have.” 

Serah had started to rant, her chest getting tighter and tighter as she spoke, and she eventually had to pause to pant for breath. She was staring at the ground as she tried to ignore the fresh burn in her eyes, so she didn’t see Vanille’s expression as the Oerban’s arms slipped around her and her face was guided to rest against a slim shoulder. 

“I want them to look at me,” Serah said. “But they won’t. You’re the only one that will, and I think I hate you for that. I think I want you to hate me too.” 

“I don’t hate you.” Vanille’s voice was steady, a mockery of how pitchy and pathetic Serah _knew_ she sounded right now. “I want you to tell me how to help.” Vanille’s tone shifted as she said that, turning tender as she leaned against Serah, who made an ugly noise and flinched back. 

“Don’t- Don’t do that!” She’d let herself be vulnerable for Vanille, showed her the awful parts of herself, and now she was _rejecting her_ ? It stung, and it was almost comforting to let the anger wash over her fragility. “Don’t treat me like I’m right! I’m so _sick_ of Snow groveling every time I get petty and selfish, so don’t you dare do it too!” She grabbed Vanille by the shoulders, digging her nails in as she shoved her away. 

Vanille stumbled a few steps back, but met Serah’s eyes without hesitation. Her jaw was clenched, but the sudden aggression didn’t seem to phase her. She was still looking at Serah like she was some sort of drowned kitten, and it only fueled the heat in her stomach. 

“Fine,” Serah snarled, because of course Vanille couldn’t even hate her. But right now she needed hate. She was angry and bitter and so damn tired of being coddled. She wanted to hurt someone so bad that she was all they could see, that hurting her back became their entire world. “Fine.”

She was advancing in an instant, grabbing Vanille by her pretty blue dress and shoving her up against the counter by the sink hard enough the back of her head slammed against the mirror. Serah watched herself in the glass as she hissed “ _Kiss me._ ”

The surge of victory that came as Vanille jerked away was almost enough to cover up the shame boiling hot in her stomach. And that’s what she’d been feeling before under all the anger, she realized. Attraction, and the shame that came with it. 

“Serah- I…” Vanille looked completely floored, and a bit afraid of her. Good. It only fed whatever high Serah was riding. “We’re at your _wedding_!”

“I don’t care,” Serah fired back automatically. “If you want to help, then kiss me like I’m not about to shatter. Don’t act like you’re above it. Like you’re a good person.” A fresh wave of vitriol hit her with the way Vanille’s eyes widened at that. She wanted to hurt her more, to _make_ her hate her. So she raged on, striking directly for Vanille’s weak point. “This is _your fault_ after all. You were the ones that came to Bodhum, that brought all of this on us. If it wasn’t for you then I’d have stayed in Cocoon, happy as someone else saved the world, or at least I would’ve died still in love with the man I just married.”

Vanille’s expression shattered, and for a moment she looked entirely devastated, before pulling whatever mask she wore back on. Good. Serah knew her well enough by now that she knew where to hit to make it hurt, and she felt herself glow with it. Even now she could see Vanille’s jaw working to fight some sort of emotion down, which meant Serah had won. 

“Alright,” Vanille said quietly, tone light in that way that set Serah’s teeth on edge. Then, she was cupping Serah’s cheek and leaning across the few inches that separated them. 

As their lips touched, panic overwhelmed Serah. In a moment of clarity, she knew she shouldn’t be doing this. She’d wanted so badly to lash out and hurt Snow somehow, relishing in the idea of betraying him the same way he’d done to her. Maybe he would even walk in on it, be forced to see just how awful she was. 

But now, faced with the reality of what she’d provoked, she felt the urge to run. Vanille must have felt her slipping, making a soft growling noise and wrapping her arms around Serah’s neck. With that, the kiss lost any hint of innocence, and Serah felt herself start to burn as she parted her lips, letting herself get lost in it. Her heart was still pounding, but she wanted this, and for more than just to hurt Snow. She was too selfish to deny someone giving her what she wanted, that was already obvious. 

She whined a swear against Vanille’s lips and clutched at her hips as the girl’s teeth nipped at her. She seemed to know how desperately Serah needed the rush of something rough and passionate, and she gave her exactly what she wanted. Serah crushed her mouth harder against her in retaliation, groaning softly as Vanille pulled back far enough to trace her tongue along the path her teeth had followed. 

The part of Serah’s mind that wasn’t consumed by the kiss knew that this was too much for Vanille to just be indulging her. There was real anger behind it, some sort of desire to make Serah burn with her, and the thought drove her harder against the other woman. 

Vanille had let Serah’s tongue slip into her mouth, and was making some damn game of pulling back from what Serah wanted of her, teeth biting down just before their tongues could properly connect. Frustrated, she shoved Vanille back harder against the edge of the counter and was rewarded with a breathy moan. The sound startled her enough to pull back, staring at Vanille’s flushed face as she realized this was becoming something she hadn’t planned. 

Vanille’s eyes refocused on Serah’s, gaze sharpening at the look of confusion on her face. One hand, still on Serah’s jaw, forced her to keep eye contact as Vanille spoke. 

“Someone will catch us.” The statement was flat, almost conversational, and Serah realized she was digging her nails into the fabric of Vanille’s dress. 

“You don’t care,” Serah managed. Vanille shrugged. 

“You do. But not enough to stop.” It wasn’t a question, and Serah let out a shuddering breath. “What do you want, Serah?” And Vanille’s tone was so flat that all the heat came rushing back at once, anger sending a bolt of want through her. 

Serah’s grip on Vanille’s hips tightened as she lifted her off the ground and shoved her onto the counter. The movement was sudden enough that she felt the muscles in her arms burn, and she relished in it. As soon as Vanille’s back hit the mirror, Serah buried her face in her neck, biting along the underside of her jaw as she growled her response. 

“I want…” Vanille’s legs wrapped around her waist and Serah bit down harder, interrupting herself. “...I want to make you shut the hell up.”

Vanille’s hips bucked at that, and Serah realized she could feel her heartbeat between her legs. She bit down on Vanille’s neck to keep herself quiet, harder than she had before, and noticed the way the other woman clutched at her tighter for it. She drew back an inch, then locked back onto the skin in front of her, sucking a mark a few inches above her collarbone, where it’d be hard to hide. 

“I- Ah!” Vanille’s voice came out slow, interrupting herself with a moan. But she pressed on as one of her hands slid up to grab at Serah’s hair. “I want to help. But right now, it seems like the only thing you want me to do is tear you apart.” 

Despite the soft groans interrupting her words, they cut Serah. She snarled, suddenly filled with the urge to do what Vanille had just said: tear her apart. 

“I’m not the fucking masochist,” Serah growled. She raked her nails up from Vanille’s knees, catching her dress at mid-thigh and dragging it up to her hips. The other girl trembled at the touch, only proving her point. 

Easily, without thinking, Serah pressed a knuckle against Vanille’s core, dragging it softly across the damp patch on her panties. Her tongue darted out to wet her bottom lip as she watched Vanille’s head tilt back, hitting the mirror as she moaned towards the fluorescent lights. 

“Also, I’m sorry, but did I ask what you want?” And fuck, the way Vanille bit her lip at that turned Serah on more than it should have. She roughly rubbed her thumb over Vanille’s clit once, then pulled the hand away. The desperate whine from the other woman’s lips made her squeeze her thighs together, but she simply flashed Vanille a smirk and pushed the strap of her dress off her shoulder. 

Vanille’s dress was gorgeous. She and Fang had worn matching outfits, Fang in a deep blue suit and Vanille in an elegant dress that cut an impressive view of her cleavage. More impressive once Serah dragged the neckline down. Her bra pushed her tits together enticingly, and she started biting her way down the cleavage line without hesitation. 

Vanille had found a rhythm grinding against Serah’s stomach, and her moans were getting louder. Loud enough that if someone was standing close to the bathroom door, they might be able to hear -- and _fuck,_ Serah couldn’t ignore how her core clenched at the thought. 

As Serah continued to bite her way down Vanille’s chest, she felt a hand tangle in her hair and yank her back. She let out a startled grunt and looked up at Vanille with a scowl as she demanded, “What?”

“Serah, I need you to stop playing games and get me off. We don’t have much time.” Vanille’s voice was soft, but the air of command to it sent a shiver down Serah’s spine. It made her realize that if she wanted to, Vanille could flip their positions easily, and she wasn’t entirely sure she’d complain about it. 

“Fine.” The word was meant to come out harsh, but it ended up more petulant than anything. By the way the corner of Vanille’s lips quirked into a smirk, she could hear it too.

Burning with a combination of embarrassment and lust, Serah leaned forward and bit hard at the column of Vanille’s neck. She got a bit of her ego back at the strangled moan that earned her. However, she also knew the other girl was right, and allowed one of her hands to slide up the inside of Vanille’s thigh. 

She pulled back a few inches to watch Vanille’s reaction as she brushed the pad of her thumb gently over her underwear. She’d gotten wetter since Serah last touched her there, and the way she shook and bit her lip made it clear that whatever command she tried to take, she was desperate for this. 

“Serah, get _on with it_ ,” Vanille whined. Serah giggled softly as she started to trace little circles against her through the fabric. Winding someone up like this, toying with them and being unnecessarily cruel, it felt good. The way Vanille kept jutting her hips further up to get more friction only made her pull away further, extending a game she knew she shouldn’t be playing. But how could she resist, when this was the first time she’d really felt powerful since she woke up on the new world?

Still, she wasn’t stupid, and their luck was already drawing thin. Finally, she pushed Vanille’s underwear to the side and let her fingers trace her slit. The way Vanille moaned her name as she was properly touched was enough to make the admission worth it. 

Vanille’s hand was still tangled in Serah’s hair, and she felt it pull her head up as she teased a finger around the other woman’s entrance. Vanille was flushed and panting, staring down at Serah with enough want to make her squirm where she stood, suddenly all too aware of how wet she was. 

She let Vanille guide her into a messy kiss. Neither of them were in any kind of state to be delicate, but Serah’s breath still caught when she felt Vanille grab her wrist and force the two fingers teasing her entrance to slip inside. She broke the kiss to tilt her head back and moan, but Serah was too busy staring wide-eyed at her to complain. She swallowed, hard, and struggled to pull herself back together. 

Vanille’s hand gripped her wrist harder, urging Serah to move her hand and fuck her. She glared down at her through half-lidded eyes, and Serah licked her lips and collected herself, leaning in to push Vanille further back against the wall and taking over the motion. Vanille was wet enough that Serah found her palm quickly soaked, and all the restraint she had exercised teasing her before vanished. 

“Fuck,” Serah hissed, speeding up the motion of her hand and bringing the other down to rub small circles around Vanille’s clit. The action earned her another muffled moan, and she glanced up to see Vanille biting her fingers to keep herself quiet. By the look on her face, it wouldn’t take long. 

It didn’t. Serah’s ego preened as not thirty seconds later, she felt nails digging into her shoulder as Vanille squirmed, whispering out her name. 

“Do you wanna finish?” Serah said, sarcasm in her voice mixed with real spite. She kept pumping her fingers but moved her thumb away from Vanille’s clit. Judging by the whine that earned, she wouldn’t be able to cum from just that. 

“Use your words.” Having power like this over someone, for _once_ , felt amazing, and the words fell from her lips without thinking. Vanille was barely holding herself together, and watching it, denying her what she wanted, made Serah feel better than she had in years. 

“Serah!” Vanille finally gasped out. “Let me _cum_!” Serah grinned and moved her thumb back to Vanille’s clit, rubbing at it roughly. That was all she needed. Vanille gasped, bucking her hips hard as she came. 

Serah pulled back and realized she was panting. Vanille was still sitting on the counter, eyes closed and teeth digging into her hand as she rode out the tremors of her orgasm. She looked gorgeous, and completely destroyed. 

Absentmindedly, Serah wiped her hand on the side of her dress, then froze as she realized what she’d just done. She looked down, seeing the small wet smear on her wedding dress, and her chest tightened. Her breathing picked up and she took a few steps back as reality crashed down around her. She had just fucked a girl in the bathroom at her wedding reception. She had just fucked a girl and she was so desperate to get off herself that she could barely stand without rubbing her thighs together. 

“Serah?” Vanille’s voice was raspy, but she could hear the concern. Serah turned to her, eyes frantic, and Vanille’s expression drew into a grimace. She slid off the counter and pushed her dress awkwardly back down, then reached out a hand. 

“Serah, come here, alright? You can’t panic right now.” Numbly, Serah nodded, moving back to Vanille without question. None of it felt real. It _couldn’t_ be real, because if it was, she had done something absolutely unforgivable. But her hips still twitched forward as Vanille wrapped her arms around her, and Serah knew she couldn’t ignore this. 

“Vanille,” she said breathlessly. She turned her head, pushing her face into the other girl’s marked up neck as she pawed at the bottom of her own dress, much frillier and more unwieldy than Vanille’s. She could still feel the panic squeezing her chest tighter and tighter, but she couldn’t go back out without getting off.

She could hear Vanille’s soft hum as she realized what she was doing, but she didn’t try to stop her, instead reaching to the other side of Serah’s dress to help lift it. As soon as Vanille got a hand between her legs, she ground down against her palm, groaning into Vanille’s neck. Her mind fuzzed, and for a moment she could forget about what she was doing. 

But then she felt Vanille’s fingers run along her inner thigh, and the panic struck so hard she gasped. She grabbed at Vanille’s wrist with her free hand, yanking it away hard. 

“No!” she said. “No, it… it doesn’t count if you don’t touch me.” She bit her lip, knowing exactly how weak that defense was. She had already had her fingers inside Vanille, every meaningful line had already been crossed. Still, if she didn’t let the other girl touch her, then… 

Vanille’s expression softened and Serah winced, burying her face back into her neck so she didn’t have to see her face. She grit her teeth and quickly started moving her hand again, a bit rougher this time. 

“Oh honey, it counts,” Vanille spoke gently, but kept her hands to herself. 

Serah ignored her, pushing aside the fabric of her underwear and rubbing two fingers against her clit in the way she knew would get her off fastest. Without even thinking about it, she let one of Vanille’s legs slip between her thighs, trapping her hand between the other woman’s skin and her own and grinding against it. 

Vanille pet her hair and as she let Serah rock against her. She was talking, murmuring words Serah could only half understand, though whether that was because they were in Pulsian or her mind was simply too blurred to parse them she wasn’t sure. _“Good girl, just a little more,”_ she caught, whining at the encouragement. She wanted to tell Vanille to shut up, but the words wouldn’t form, and suddenly the pressure that had been building in her chest broke. 

Serah came with a whimper and a shudder, and her body didn’t give her more than a few seconds before the tears rose high in her throat. Before she’d even gotten to pull her hand out of her panties, Serah found herself sobbing into Vanille’s shoulder, again. 

Vanille let her stay there for another minute before sighing and gently pushing her off. Looking at her with some mixture of disdain and pity. 

“Are you going to go out there and tell Snow?” 

Serah shook her head frantically in response, bringing her clean hand up to scrub at her cheeks in a useless attempt to regain some dignity. Vanille’s face didn’t change, and her voice was firm as she spoke again. 

“Then you need to get yourself together and let me fix your makeup, alright? Now go wash off your hand.” Serah’s chest clenched at the command. She was being babied, and it only made her feel more pathetic, but she nodded anyway and walked to the sink. Maybe being treated like a child was what she needed. After all, she was acting like one. 

She avoided looking at her reflection as she cleaned her hands, but she knew what she’d see in the mirror. Vanille was right, she needed to get a fucking grip or everyone would know something happened. The thought, somehow, managed to steady her. It wasn’t about how guilty she felt or how much she hated herself right now, she just needed to go out and act like everything was normal. It was a mission. A goal. She forced herself to focus on that, shutting out her guilt and shame, and slowly the tears stopped. 

When she turned back around, Vanille was digging through her purse. She must have dropped it sometime after she came in, Serah hadn’t even noticed. Hearing the faucet shut off, Vanille looked up, her gaze sharp and assessing. Serah squirmed under it, but held her ground. 

“Alright,” Vanille said, apparently deciding whatever stability Serah had gained was enough. She stood, holding a little pack of makeup wipes along with some eyeliner, mascara, and lipstick. “We have different skin tones, so I won’t be able to fix your foundation, but honestly I doubt Snow will notice either way.” 

Serah nodded. Vanille walked up to the mirror next to her and wiped away her own smeared lipstick, some of which Serah was sure had ended up on her face. It only took the other girl a couple seconds to fix her hair and reapply the lipstick before she looked good as new. Serah wondered bitterly to herself if Vanille did this frequently, but before she had the chance to make a comment and dig herself even deeper, Vanille was on her with the wipes. 

She knew she needed the help. Compared to Vanille she probably looked like a drowned clown, but it still felt demeaning. If Vanille noticed her discomfort, she didn’t comment on it, and after a few minutes she pulled away, apparently satisfied with her work. 

“Just don’t get too close to Fang, alright? She’ll recognize that you’re wearing my lipstick shade.” Vanille had already spun back around to her purse, packing away the makeup. Her voice was so… light, almost bored, and Serah found herself getting frustrated again. 

“How can you just act like nothing happened?” Serah demanded suddenly. Vanille looked back at her, a moment of weakness showing on her face as she bit her bottom lip, before her expression was back to perfect neutrality. 

“Because,” Vanille’s voice was clipped. “Sometimes, it’s easier to pretend.” 

And with that, she picked up her purse and left, leaving Serah shaking slightly in an empty bathroom, the proof of her indiscretions still sticky between her thighs. 


End file.
